Growing, really

2 Peter 3:18

But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.

My rector from St Ebbe’s, Oxford dropped by Singapore on a flying stopover on the way to New Zealand last week. A bunch of us past and present St Ebbites met for a session of food and fellowship. It was really nice catching up with my brothers and sisters from Oxford, and to hear from Vaughan how the church was doing in the 4 years since I’ve left. After dinner, we huddled in Vaughan’s room, chatting and playing with the baby (of some St Ebbites, not Vaughan’s), and after Vaughan had made himself and offered everyone a cup of tea, he sat down in the armchair with the reading light, crossed his legs and said,

“Well, if no one’s going to speak, I think I’ll say a few words.”

Really??? We weren’t expecting him to in view of probable jet lag, but Vaughan is a gifted speaker, and I have many memories of God’s voice stirring up my spirit within me as Vaughan spoke/lectured/explained the Word. It was the same again that night, with just one verse.

But grow

St Ebbes is a very special church. As Vaughan said, the permanent congregation is actually fairly small – though it has grown over the years – but they have such influence over us university students who are there for 1-6 years, and who then leave to go back to where they came from, in Britain or all over the world. I grew so much spiritually there, but Vaughan was concerned that all his flock continue to grow even after leaving Ebbes.

in the grace

For it is grace alone that saves, and grace alone that keeps us perservering as Christians – in godly living, in relationships with the people who as yet do not know our God, in relationships with our brothers and sisters who do.

and knowledge of

Not head knowledge, but intimate knowing, relationship with

our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

For that is the crux – that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Saviour, and living in a way that is consistent with this belief.

To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.

Who else to give glory to but God himself?

And with one short verse, and 15 minutes, I remembered what it was like to be on fire for God, seeking and drawing close to Him. And want to be again.

For richer or for Singaporeans?

A question that explores what it means to be a nation, or in my context, what it means to be Singaporean:

What would you choose – slower growth (i.e. smaller bonuses, lower wage increments, skylines that change in 20 rather than 10 years) or fewer foreign workers?

Growth in the Singaporean context, is accompanied by the influx of foreign workers. An army of foreign workers are working to build the F1 track, the 2 Integrated Resorts, and the many stadiums etc that will house the Youth Olympic Games – essentially the government’s bets for growth drivers until 2011. At the same time, as we are transformed by 6-8% growth every year, fewer Singaporeans want to clean the tables in hawker centres and drive our buses. Companies too, frankly, don’t want to pay double to get a Singaporean to wait on tables when there are mainland Chinese willing to take half that pay for the same job. All this contributes to an ever increasing population of foreigners in sunny Singapore – and some of them want to stay. All this is now well and good, but as we continue to grow, and the foreign population increases to support that growth, it is a logical conclusion that one day there will be more non-Singaporeans than Singaporeans in Singapore.

Would it still be Singapore?

A few thoughts:

1) Yes, if Singapore = Singapore Inc. But Singapore, a nation of Singaporeans? (That’s my real question.)

2) Does it depend on what types of foreigners outnumber us? I think it does. If they will one day become Singaporeans, if we can see them as one of us someday, with the ‘lahs’ and the same obsession over orh luak, perhaps we wouldn’t care.

3) Does it depend on how much Singaporeans benefit? Of course. In Dubai, where citizens are more or less wealthy, the majority of the population is foreign, but the citizens don’t mind. These foreigners do the jobs that allow them to lead the lives they want to live. A good number of Singaporeans are heartlanders though, who are not independently wealthy, and perceive some foreign workers as a threat to their livelihood.

In the end I think it is about assimilation, and the time taken for assimilation. We are after all a nation of immigrants, and my grandparents were at one point “foreigners”. If we can accept those who drive our growth and want to stay as “different, but like us”, and they can accept us, becoming more “like us, but still me”, then the definition of Singapore and Singaporean stretches – and we can have our growth and not be “outnumbered”.

But realistically? I believe it is difficult for 2 reasons: 1) Generally, human beings don’t really accept and assimilate so quickly. My grandparents were from China; my parents and I who were born in Singapore are Singaporean. It seems to take at least a generation for true identity formation and association. 2) Singapore is also handicapped by the fact that we don’t even now, have a very clear idea of what it means to be Singaporean. We are still identity-forming, identity-searching as a nation – it is not easy to demand MORE flexibility and change from us to accept those who speak different, look different, eat different.

So for me?

If I were a macro nation builder, I would ask for slower growth. Slower societal changes, so that we have more time TO change as a society.

If I were in government, I want my cake and to eat it. I’d probably lean for growth, so to point to a GDP number at least when the next election comes along.

But I am me, and I’m not sure what I would choose. I do like my nice fat bonuses in good years, but I also want to be proud that I am Singaporean and of my fellow Singaporeans.

Note to self: There is some conflation between nationhood and state/citizenship in the above. Must rectify.

Letters to Singapore: stories.sg issue 1

I stumbled upon this site yesterday: Stories.sg, a Singaporean site based on Fray.com.

The first issue is themed Letters to Singapore. Creator/Editor Lucien Teo asks, since Singapore’s National Day is coming up (August 9), what letter would you write to Singapore, if she were a person you knew?

Not surprisingly given the way the question is framed, the letters take the form of love letters or breakup letters. They range from the bittersweet “I love you, but I can’t do this anymore”, to the ambivalent, to true love (the hard kind), and the hate. More than what it says about Singapore, the letters are a reflection of who writes them. (I need to think about what I would write, actually.)

But what do these letters say about Singapore?

Mainly, that the small sample size on stories.sg feel strongly enough about Singapore to write to and about it – which is a good thing for a country that seeks to be a nation. All the love, hate and ambivalence speak strongly about how we are still engaged in the process of birthing a nation.

Singapore is unique as probably the only country which gained its independence through secession, but cried tears of sorrow upon gaining independence rather than joy. We do things backward around here – other nations seek independence from their rulers (think Kosovo, think Tibet), we get kicked out and become a nation before our people are properly one. No wonder we have songs like “One People, One Nation, One Singapore!” and mass events like the National Day Parade to celebrate our independence! It’s something like just working your muscles into a smile, and hoping before long you are smiling for real, sometimes.

I like to think however, that the first stage of nation building, of identity building by the government is almost done, and the second stage where the people figure out what Singapore means, what we mean together as Singapore is beginning – reflected so poignantly by the ambivalent letters that surface on stories.sg.

Book Review: The Learning Curve

The Learning Curve
By Melissa Nathan

If there is one thing that has remained constant in my love life since I was 17, it is that I have always loved one Fitzwilliam Darcy and equally but differently, one Lizzie Bennet. So the reason why I have picked up every single one of Melissa Nathan’s books, is because the first book I read of hers was Pride, Prejudice and Jasmine Fields. That book was not outstanding because it was great writing or had a novel plot (how could it?), it stood out because of all the lousy Pride and Prejudice spinoffs, sequels, fanfics I had read, this one was actually readable! (More on this in another post – Pride and Prejudice always deserves its own post. Perhaps even a category!)

So I’ve read Pride, Prejudice and Jasmin Fields; Persuading Annie; The Nanny; The Waitress; and now The Learning Curve. While I do not remember The Nanny and The Waitress anymore, one reason why The Learning Curve made a deeper impression was probably because this was Melissa Nathan’s last piece of work. She died of cancer two months after finishing the novel, making the acknowledgements much more poignant to read. Her young son was only 3 when she died, but sometimes cancer doesn’t care. Love and right relationships endure however, as her books have tried to convey.

What struck me (and secretly pleased me) while reading The Learning Curve was the recognition that Melissa Nathan is a fellow Pride and Prejudice fan through and through. While reading it, shades of Pride and Prejudice (or First Impressions, as it was originally titled) leapt to mind: the likeable, spunky heroine (Nicky Hobbs) and the hero, Nicky’s favourite student’s single father (Mark Samuels) have terrible first impressions of each other; when she gives him what-for at an attraction charged encounter, it is the beginning of his realisation that he had been too proud to listen or to be a good parent, and he changes his life dramatically. Which of course leads to a thawing of affections on Nicky’s side. Throw in a caddish Wickham on the side, some silent suffering by both characters and there you have it, Pride and Prejudice repackaged.

Except not.

The best thing about the Learning Curve is how Melissa Nathan has taken a few Pride and Prejudice motifs – perhaps out of habit, because how many boy meets girl plots can there exist in the world anyway? – and made them into her own, populating them in a world of her writing. I enjoyed the Pride and Prejudice shoutouts, but the plot unlike her first novel Pride, Prejudice and Jasmin Fields, is all hers, not (deliberately) borrowed from Jane Austen. It is also a lovely parallel to Jane Austen, whose first and last novels, Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion, were the most similar to each other in her body of works in theme and romantic hopefulness, tempered and differentiated by the years of experiences in between. And that, to echo So You Think You Can Dance judges, shows growth, and is worthy of respect.

Waiting

What does the bible say about waiting?

Psalm 37
Of David.

1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;

2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

Waiting is part of the Christian’s walk. We wait every day, for Christ to return. We wait, for our God to answer our prayers. We wait, to see how God’s plan unfolds. We wait, to see His face one day.

Waiting is part of hoping – a hope is something we wait expectantly for. The great thing about Christian hope is that we are assured by God that our hope WILL be fulfilled. Hence we have nothing to worry about, only to wait patiently.

But sometimes when I wait, I forget to be at peace. I wait and forget not to fret. I wait and forget to trust that my God has got everything under control, including this period when I see nothing ahead of me, except endless waiting. Psalm 37 reminds me: do not fret – it leads only to evil. For when I fret, I strive to make things happen my way, I turn away from my good God who still has everything under control because nothing has changed, except my flickering focus.